Nurtureshock

Katie Couric interviews Ashley Merryman (co-author of Nurtureshock) & Liz Gumbinner (author of the blog mom-101)

I read this book a few months ago and LOVED it. How often is a parenting book a page-turner? I literally could not put this book down. I think it took me 2-3 days to read it.
The authors discuss the science behind lying, bullies, cross-racial friendships and why they are less common in more integrated schools, why we shouldn't say "You're so smart", and much more! Much of the information introduced goes against what we have been led to believe about good parenting. Very interesting material, Highly recommended.

If you want to put this on your "to read" list but don't think you'll get to it for a while please check out the link above. It's a 30 minute video but very good. It will further peak your interest.

Free Range cont'd

So I was thinking I would do a post of the challenges given at the end of each chapter. I decided all it was doing was reassuring me that I am doing okay in this area. I think I know what to do to keep my kids relatively safe and still allow them to have a childhood... to learn from hands on experiences. I realize that I can't control everything. I have never bought lots of baby-proofing products. I don't get sucked into the scary shows on TV, for that matter I barely watch TV unless there is a presidential race on. Even then if they change to a story about a missing child I either change the channel or turn it off. I always knew the urban legends about Halloween were just that... legends. I don't buy into everything the "experts" say. I think I can figure out what advice is sound and I still follow my own instincts about my kids first. After all, who knows them better than I do. I certainly don't hover over my children.

I do think it was beneficial to read this book. I decided to let my kindergartner walk home from school with her older cousins this past week. I think it has been wonderful for all four of them. I met them at school and walked home with them on Friday. During the walk they were really excited to share all of the adventures that they've had!!! Not only am I letting my daughter feel a sense of accomplishment at walking home without me and getting some exercise to boot I'm also allowing her to create some really fun childhood memories. Way better than the ones made riding home in the car!!!

Free-Range

The problem with this title is that it brings up images of fowl.
Anytime I read an educational book or one I feel like I learned something from I'm going to document it. I recently read "Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts With Worry" by Lenore Skenazy. This woman was a delight to read, in fact with all of her snappy little comments I came to feel I was conversing with a friend. The premise: she underwent a media firestorm not long ago when she allowed her then 9-year-old to ride the subway alone in New York City. He had change to call home and a well-thought-out plan with his mom. Everything went as planned ... except that she wrote about it in her column and was immediately called out as a terrible mother. This book goes on to talk about how we overprotect our children. It describes the all to common "helicopter parenting". It attempts to allay any unfounded fears that we may have.

I was really interested to read this since I've had conversations with other moms about how we miss the childhood we had and wish that our kids were able to experience the same thing. Skenazy informs us that the world is actually safer now than it was when I was a kid. She says this is most likely due to the advent of cell phones, increases in police officers on duty, better prosecution of sex offenders and social workers getting crazy people medicated and off the streets.

I appreciate all of these arguments BUT... I've seen the mixed advantages of people on psychotropic meds, do pedophiles really think to themselves "oh, they are tougher on crimes against children now so I better refrain", I don't know. Seems to me like most people think they will be the exception, that they can get away with it... AND for the ones with the REALLY bad issues isn't it a compulsion? It's not like they are sitting around thinking rationally right? I mean, maybe the reason that they aren't pulling your kid into the bushes or into their car is because parents are keeping there kids sickeningly glued to their side. "Hi, I'm kangaroo and this is little Joey who won't be leaving his protective pouch until he turns 18- at that time he may have the freedom to hold my hand." But, of course, we're hoping that the real crazies have been lassoed by the social workers, right?

That being said- I am a huge advocate for what she is trying to do here. And I definitely disagree with the overprotective parent ( Kanga, above, she DOES exist. I was appalled by Skenazy's examples). We cannot live our lives in fear. We need to let our children live their own lives and stop worrying that they will get a scratch. You think I'm exaggerating about the scratch thing? Nope. One of Skenazy's examples is of a parent who wanted to take down some equipment in a playground because she had seen 3 different children in the course of 1 year bump their heads on it. 3, in 1 year! Bump!!! Leave people like this in charge and play will be outlawed for children completely. Unfortunately play has been proven to be the #1 best way for children to learn. Oh well.

This was a great book reminding me that I can relax a little. Also that I'm doing much better than some of the crazies out there. Probably the people who live in those big cities where most of the crime supposedly IS. I found that the most important thing is to educate our children. The old "give a man a fish" vs. "teach a man to fish" argument.